Providence

Providence according to the American Heritage Dictionary
1.  Care or preparation in advance;  foresight.  2.  Prudent management; economy.  3.  The care, guardianship , and control exercised by a deity;  divine direction.  4.  Providence. God

This season of my life is very busy.  My goal of posting once a week is taking a back burner as I move forward in my journey to impact the lives of troubled teens.  The day will come when this season is complete and a new season begins...

As I live out this adventure I can only say......PROVIDENCE.

As I make it through one more day...PROVIDENCE

As my friends and family support, feed and care for us....PROVIDENCE

As I walk with friends who are living out their desires......PROVIDENCE

As my husband and I talk about our hearts desires and see them coming to fruitation......PROVIDENCE

As I put one foot in front of the other moving toward my dreams and goals and it unfolds beautifully....  When I am so exhausted but answer the tug at my heart to write the message my heart is speaking ....
When I, through this season, balance the demands of full time school, friends who have needs, family demands and needs, and working with teens who need to be LOVED

and I make it through the day full of joy, thankful for what is ....PROVIDENCE

You Are Always on My Mind....

Blog sweet blog....oh how I miss you!  I remember the days of pondering and wallowing in thought of how wonderful life is and having the time to joyfully write and share with you!

Suddenly SCREEEEECHHHHH....January hit and life has changed!!!

I am a full time student working (for free) part time.

For the next six months many priorities will be different...

and so it leaves me thinking often of my blog and all of the fun stuff stuck in my head that I want to share.  I will eventually purge my brain with something other than Child and Youth Care Work information and  post something GOOD (although something good may come from my experience with these beautiful teenagers I am now working with)! 
I have a few thoughts sitting on the cusp of escape however I don't have enough time to do those thoughts justice and it just would not be fair to share in a hurry.  I prefer to savor the moment and share from the depths of my heart!

On an exciting note one week ago today I shared my LOVE story with a group of women.  It was an amazing story (even though I forgot the most important page) that I hope resonated in the hearts of the hearers.


The Pacific Ocean

Stay tuned my blogger followers...you never know when I am going to unleash the thoughts held captive in my head!

What is HE up to now????

As I find myself on the cusp of my 20 year class reunion I begin to reminisce and ponder.

 It was but a week ago that I was informed I had been added to the Facebook Group titled ....

Riverton High School Wolverines Class of 1991

Closed GroupMembers are public, content is private.

I was unsure how I felt about this as high school was not a great experience for me. 

I continued to reflect and determine whether I should exit the group or stay.  I am currently searching my heart and determining my motives as to leaving or staying as a part of this group. 

You see this group scratches deep hurts and betrayals.  Yes some say "That was 20 years ago....let it go."  This is part of the battle.  I am not sure just because 20 years has passed that the hurts have been healed or gone away.

I also wrestle with the idea of purposeful relationships.  For those of you who follow my blog and walk daily with me through life you will know I highly value relationships but I do not take them lightly.  From this group of classmates there is only one person whom I occasionally meet with when I return home.  I return home maybe once a year or once every two years.

Funny thing is my dad has never left that place and is easy to find (he is an icon, a hero..he is famous).  I suppose I could be easy to find if someone wanted to find me. 

One could argue the other way...why don't I look up people...well....I don't really see value in pursuing those relationships.  I tried to pursue a few after high school.  Life changes.  People marry, have children, divorce, change jobs, move, acquire new friends.  It is very difficult to cultivate relationships unless you are intentional.  With out intention from BOTH parties the relationship dies.  AND unfortunately some never really move beyond what was in high school, clinging on to the people we were and not seeing who we have become.

When this group notice came to me via Facebook I had a great time remembering.....

I remember Charlie. He was always so encouraging to me.  The day I wore make up for the first time (in grade 10) he gently told me it looked horrible and I should remove it.  He always seemed to be real and raw with me in those moments of silence and solitude. 

I remember Heather P.  She had a true genuine concern for my well being.  Thanks to Heather for trying to save me from myself.  It wasn't as successful at that time as you had hoped but I will forever be thankful to your family for their unconditional love at that time in my life.

I remember Connie (she was a mom).  She was always watching my back and doing it in good humor.  I will remember her all of my days because she passed on the day my first child was born.  I know the gift I was given that day was in return for the memory of  the gift she gave me.

I remember Mr. LeMasters and Mr. Befus and Mrs. Watne...they believed in me.  They gave me a chance. 

I remember Jerome.  He was my high school love.  Ah the things we do for high school love.

I remember Stacie and Nelson and my church friends.  I loved those Friday nights playing tetras or singing at the church.  I still love to sing (even though those around me cringe when I do)!

I remember leaving my grade 11 year and moving 2 hrs. away only to come back my grade 12 year.

I remember the mean girls.  YEP!  They were not nice.....

I remember being called names by the upper classmen volleyball players at volleyball practice each day.  They did not like me.

I remember Vanessa....We had so much fun walking before school, algebra class, and sleepovers.

I remember being ran over in the high school parking lot.

AHHH! The memories.....there are sooooo many good and bad....joy and angst.....

As I was meeting with my Maker this past week I was reminded of His providence.  I was reminded that my past does not define me.  I was reminded of Galatians 5:1  It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

 I was reminded that those people and all whom I walk through life with are the cast in my story.  Each one of them play a role.  Some played the lead role in My story.....the story that brings me to this beautiful place.  A place where His providence is evident.  Where I can see how His hand was on my life from the day in grade two when I gave it to HIM.  A place where I cry out to HIM and ask "Who am I Lord that you would bring me this far.....Who am I?"

And so as I continue to search deep in my heart regarding my true motives for staying a part of this group I will continue to remember.... He is the author of my life.  He is the Lover of my soul.  He delights in me.

I wonder what script He is writing now through this part of my journey?  I wonder what He is up to and how He will use this event to show me more of His providence.  I wonder how He will use this event to chasten me and make me whole.  I wonder how He will show me forgiveness and love through this!

I can't wait to see what HE is up to!!!

CH...ch....ch...changes!

As you can see there has been a few changes...I am working on my blog site.  I have felt called to do "something" more with my blog....not clear as to what the direction is but I have started by taking a step in that direction.  I am not finished.  My heart has been calling me in a different direction and I can't wait to see where we land together.

Stay connected!

Looking forward to continuing the journey with you!

4 DaYs In....

4 days in and the need vs. want is proving to be good.

I have to say that I have had 4 Starbucks.  Wow 4 days in and 4 Starbucks.....that does not seem like I am making life changes!

Well I am very blessed. 

Starbucks #1
I found a Starbucks gift card from a friend AND the same friend who gave the gift card gave free Booster Juice coupons.  It was a win win situation for sure.  My little guys and I went on a date and were able to be doubly (if that is a word:) blessed.  We were together and we did not renege on our commitment of need vs. want (although we wanted those drinks).  We also were able to be thankful for that dear friend of ours.

Starbucks #2
Running Running....On New Years Eve my BFF's and myself ran a 5K run in the city along the river.  It was an absolute beautiful evening.  Just below freezing but not cold enough to put icicles on our eyelashes.  It was a full run...many many people dressed in orange and black jackets (compliments of the Running Room) herding down the road.  You could not miss us.

Poor Amy has to run the fastest...Look at those legs!

My BFF's and myself had a few belly laughs (if you can imagine running and belly laughing at the same time) and a few silent moments when we were breathing to hard to talk because we were trying to catch up with each other and realized we actually passed each other and had to run that much harder to find each other again.  After an amazing run together we were off to go home to be with our families for New Year's Eve....but not with out a Starbucks.  My friends are so good to me!  In order for me not to renege on my commitment, they bought me a coffee in celebration of our great run!

Starbucks#3
A drive into the city to solidify some paperwork and a trip to Blessings to check out some books ended up in coffee at Starbucks back at home with one of the BFF's.  I was able to purchase this coffee with the gift card from a dear friend (I still have some $ left YEAH!!!)  Coffee with friends is so amazing.  I value my time with friends.  Time of sharing our hearts and learning and growing with each other and independently because of this relationship.  Starbucks is also a great place to meet so many other people.  It is like a family.  I walk in and if Katie is working she punches in my order before I have time to tell her.  I chat with her about how things are going for her, how her family is, her sister, the baby etc.  It is a place for connection and compassion.  While sitting there I met a new person via BFF, I re met another woman whom I had met a few years ago.  It is a great place and again I am blessed by the friendships that Starbucks provides!

And today....
Starbucks #4
Over the holiday season I received my Starbucks gold card.  Not wanting to go through the hassle of re registering my card I set it aside and never minded it....until today.  I was de cluttering yesterday thanks to Rachel Anne's Home Sanctuary's encouragement....Today's Small Thing and came across the gold card. 

I opened it up and the card was gold with my name on it.  Now you know when you are getting a card with your name on it from a coffee shop you spend far to much $ there (hence the need vs. want situation I've got going on)!!!  They like me so much they are sending me a card with my name on it!! 

So I took my card off and noticed a coupon for a free drink for earning my gold card!  YEAH!!!!  So in my happiness I began plotting when I would use this.   This morning I had to go to the lab for some blood work....nothing serious just routine check up.....and because I had been fasting I thought it would be nice to enjoy this free coffee for breakfast.  After the blood was sucked out of my arm via a needle that was very uncomfortable I jumped in the sassy van and chugged over to the Starbucks.  Before I went in I poked my head into Booster Juice and invited my dear friend for coffee....Off we went to snuggle in to the comfy chairs and talk....Starbucks is a great place to be for comfort and conversation. 

By the end of our 45 minutes together we had laughed with another friend who had come in because all 4 of her drive through ventis were made wrong and she needed them to be right.  Not only did we make our souls well with laughter, my dear friend booked a hair appointment with the other friend....at 1 o'clock today.  Now if that isn't good stuff happening all because of the meeting place Starbucks provides and my love for the coffee!

To top the day off....in the mail today...I have reached my 15 star milestone on my card.  I get another free drink!!!  YEAH!!!!  I wonder who I will meet the next time I am in and what great relationships will be established or rekindled while I am there!

Where is your meeting place in which relationships are established and rekindled.  How is your heart affected by these encounters?

2011 Bienvenue.... au revoir 2010

As I sit here in absolute silence listening and thinking writing and reflecting, I am overjoyed at what 2010 brought to me.  It was a year filled with monumental growth and practice using what I learned from my experiences in 2010.  It was a year with many new beginnings for me.  It was a year that was so FULL of richness and amazement that I can not even begin to fathom being done and moving forward.

The Lord God carried you as a man carries his son in all the way that you went until you came to this place.  Deuteronomy 1:31

Isn't it funny how everything seems to be measured in time.  Really 2010...the number is finished but the journey is still in motion.  All of the amazing experiences and rich learning continues on into "the New Year".

In the post Simply Simplifying I revealed a tid bit of what 2011 would bring.  One of the life changes for me was going to be memorizing scripture.  You see in 2010 it was this specific action that got me through January to June with the utmost confidence and brought me to a place I did not even know existed let alone a place I could bask in.  So on January 1, 2011 I began memorizing scripture with 5,000+ other women through Beth Moores blog titled Siesta Memory Verse.  This is a very exciting journey and one that requires self discipline.  One that brings amazing blessings and I can not wait to be amazed.

2011 promises many great opportunities.  2011 will be the year that my oldest child will graduate and move forward on his life journey.  2011 is the year I will complete my 2 year degree in a field that I have been called to serve in.  2011 brings career opportunities for my husband.  2011 brings the opportunity for my mother to tread new ground here with us, 2011 brings opportunity for my younger children to embrace life and be "kids".   AND 2011 holds many unknowns.

So as our life takes on the new direction of need vs. want,  of me finishing my coursework, my eldest son finishing high school in a far away place, my mom joining us, our wonderful trip with dear friends coming up, the children experiencing a different after school routine due to my coursework, and my man patiently waiting to see what career opportunity his company is going to bestow upon him, along with all of the everyday life happenings....we will endure the unexpected curve balls (of which usually hit in the pocket book) that may come our way such as trips that were not on the agenda but were necessary, the van being sassy and needing to see the doctor a few too many times, a faucet breaking and spewing water everywhere, and other unplanned events that happen just to remind us that life happens......

I will continue to be prepared and know that none of these events are coincidence they are providence and we will embrace them knowing the plans are to prosper us not to harm us, for good not evil, to give us a future and hope.I will search for the treasures hidden in the darkness refusing self condemnation and fruitless regret. 

You crown the year with your goodness and your paths drip with abundance.  Psalm 65:11

So I will begin 2011 with the plans God has for me crowned with His goodness walking His path that drips with abundance.  Even though I do not know the plans He promises "I know the plans I have for you.  Plans for good and not for evil to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29:11  I will rest in the fact that the plans are KNOWN and He WILL give me a future and a hope.

I often sign my holiday cards with the phrase "Happy Holidays and Wishes for a Prosperous New Year filled with Joy."  This year I believed and felt each word in a way that was new and exciting to me.
This year as I wrote this phrase it was different because in 2010 I had experienced His plans and lived it filled with joy.  He had wrapped me in His loving arms and showed me His promises and His plans.  The plans are known for you also.  You to have a future and a hope of good not evil.

From our family to yours......
"Happy Holidays and Wishes for a Prosperous New Year filled with Joy."

Letting Go....

As I sit here eating Turtles and drinking coffee alone at my computer with TV in the far distance and my mind racing, I am reveling in the joy of today and pondering what it is like to LET GO!  Soon we will come together with dear friends to celebrate.....

I have soooo much I would like to share!  Wisdom I have acquired from others and  wisdom from my own life journey regarding motherhood.  I have many many many questions I continue to seek answers to regarding raising children and surviving that pivotal moment when your child becomes an adult.  But for now I will share regarding the past 18 years.

Grade 7

Today my firstborn child turned 18.  For him it is the day that defines his transition from teen to adult.  I find it interesting that it is just a day,  a small moment in time comparatively speaking.  12:01am today to be exact that he decided he was an adult. 

For me it has been a journey of 18 years that I have embarked on trying my best to teach him life lessons.  Little does he know that this day does not magically make him ready to take on all that adulthood brings.  This only gives him more freedom to make choices that will even more fiercely mold and shape him in to who he is designed to be.  I however will let him revel in today making adult choices to allow him to feel adult all the while resting in the comfort of knowing that he will still ask me to go out,  ask me for money and ask me to drive him somewhere.....if only for a while longer I will hold on.

For me the last 18 years have been most amazing. For me I was and still  am embarking on my journey to become who I am designed to be.  It has been challenging and rewarding to understand what it means to nurture a child's soul as I was nurturing my own and that of our other family members.  It has been amazing to watch how God has been at work in his life as well as mine and those around us.  It has been freeing to learn what it means to experience hurt, pain, pleasure, desire and joy while making sense of the fact that although he was given to me only for a while I would some day let him go.

I spent most of these years trying so desperately to protect him and give him a happy comfortable life.  Unfortunately for him he did not come with a manual therefore we were embarking on trial by error with a loaded suitcase.  It took me 16 3/4 years to begin to understand the letting go process begins when they become a mobile baby and begin exploring their world and making choices regarding their own will.  I was only 15 3/4 years behind on that memo!

Paul Brandt's song "Learning How to Let It Go" became my cry to God as I realized I needed to let him become his own person and I could not protect him from the evils of the world nor the pain the evils would bring.

So today as he has set off in a car on slick roads to go skiing on a hill and knowing that he won't be wearing a helmet I delight in the fact that all in all against the critics notion I have raised an amazing child who is fun, charismatic, compassionate and wise beyond his years.  He will fulfill the plans God has for him and he will fill them boldly and passionately bringing an absolute love for life and love for people as he journeys forward through the time we call life.

We do not know what lies ahead but we can rest in the promises of the Lord knowing that if we raise a child up in the way he should go he will not part from it and that God has plans to prosper us not to harm us plans of good not evil to give you a future and hope.  You see God knew us before we were in the womb.  We are His workmanship created for good works which God prepared before hand that we should walk in them.

And this is what I will rest in as I let go of my first born child and release him completely in faith to journey on his own and become who he was designed to be.