Legacy.....

leg·a·cy

   [leg-uh-see]  Show IPA noun, pluralleg·a·cies.

1.

Law . a gift of property, especially personal property, asmoney, by will; a bequest.

2.

anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestoror predecessor: the legacy of ancient Rome.

3.

an applicant to or student at a school that was attended byhis or her parent.

4.

Obsolete . the office, function, or commission of a legate.

Taken from   http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/legacy?s=t

As this Mothers Day approached I began to feel something different in my heart than I ever had before....

I did not know exactly what it was.  Something more gentle something more tender.....

I was not a day free from "yuck" but in the mess of me and being a mom I felt FREE.  I felt covered in Grace.  Forgiven.  Redeemed.

Being a mom for me has been such a joy.  I always wanted six children and loved loving my dolls and practicing for REAL babies.  I however was blessed with 3 children.  Three very different yet oddly similar, wonderful children who daily teach me how to become the best version of myself.

I have always wondered with great awe why I, why my friends, chose to have children and how we decided how many to have.  My dear friend Jocelyn heard AND answered these questions several times.  Always with her sparkling eyes and her energizing smile....

"I want to leave a LEGACY!"

A LEGACY....

What does that mean!  

I was not sure what Legacy meant to me.  For my family.  For my children.  For future generations from the tree of my life.

To me the Legacy I was given was a Legacy of shame, condemnation and judgement.  I never quite made the mark in the EYES of those who were supposed to love me unconditionally and help me become the best version of myself.  In those EYES I was NOT who they demanded me to be therefore I was of no worth.  

NOT ONLY DID I RECIEVE 

SHAME CONDEMNATION JUDGEMENT 

from my family......

In this world where there is comparison and right ways to parent and if you spend to much time away from your child your a bad mom, and if your child has a melt down in the store your a bad mom, and if your child does not go to university your a bad mom and heaven forbid your child drink, smoke, have sex out of wedlock, steal, lie......YOU ARE A BAD MOM!

If you feel angry at your child and can't keep yourself together, or if you don't have the greatest and latest, and if YOU AND YOUR child doesn't wear name brand clothes....

Society casts down

          ABSOLUTE SHAME  CONDEMNATION and JUDGEMENT!  

                                                          on you.... on children!

NOT a Legacy that I wanted to root my children in!  

I began to unlock what the LEGACY I WOULD LEAVE LOOKED LIKE TO ME, TO MY CHILDREN TO MY FAMILY AND TO THE CHILDREN WHO WOULD COME FROM MY SEED!

Because SHAME  CONDEMNATION and JUDGEMENT  was my "normal" it trickled down into the life of my first born and oh the work, the absolute change work we have done to end the LEGACY of shame and condemnation and leave a new LEGACY.

AND....some days my heart hurts because I feel like my choices are destroying my children.

AND.... somedays I feel angry at the people who shamed and condemned me!  

AND....somedays I feel like I am crazy AND a mess!

And everyday I know that it is OK.  It is OK to be imperfect.  I make mistakes and my mistakes are forgiven!  I am FREE....FREE to be who I was created to be...MESSY MESSY ME...

AND.....I am grateful that I am covered by GRACE and the LEGACY that I AM leaving is a LEGACY of WORTHINESS, of PURPOSE, of FAITH  all in the mess of life.

A life that is authored and planned and protected from the arrows that are thrown at us by the enemy.  The arrows that keep us captive to shame and condemnation!  A LEGACY of FREEDOM....DEEP down SOUL FREEDOM that comes from something far beyond what I alone could ever give my children!

FREE from SHAME CONDEMNATION JUDGEMENT

AND my reassurance of the LEGACY.....

Child Number Two did an unbelievable job at writing about ME.  I am known by my child.  My values are known by my child....This tells the real story.  The story of my life being walked out daily for all to know and see....I tell a TRUE story! HE TELLS THE STORY IN HIS WRITING....

May 12, 2012 from Child Number Two

My firstborn's evidence that not only today but many years ago when I was in the trenches in bondage I was still teaching and living the LEGACY that I wanted to leave for my children for me, for my family....

May 11, 2001 from my First Born

AND today what LEGACY and MOM mean to my First Born...

"My moms attempt to instill values that she holds dear in her heart that will be passed on to the family for years to come.  She does it well even if at times it is frustrating for me  because she does do it so well and it is constant!"

"I would describe my mom as stubborn, educated, outspoken, well thought, well read, driven motivated, an educator educating others and herself and a caretaker!"

"The evidence of her living out and walking her TRUTH in my life is what I take and walk with every day and that is her desire for me and educating me to have the utmost respect for women, truth telling,  and JESUS!"  

AND my precious Third Child...

Wanted me to know that I am so LOVED and am the best mom ever and the precious child wanted me to have a new vacuum cleaner!

~Possibly this Face Book "What's on your mind?"...gives insight as to why the thought of a vacuum cleaner would come to mind!  It is known what I get from a clean house....A clear head!!!  They all love when MommaMac has a clear head (and so do I:)

            do any of you know how much I LOVE to clean. 
It has been a while as my house has been full of wonderfulness and adventure. 
The silence is awakening as I dance with my dance partners. 
The best Momma Mac musings come to me while I am dancing. 
The deepest stirrings move me as I rhythmically converse the poetic stanza's of my journey. I stand on the battlefield I fight for everyday every minute as I dance in silence....
and I love it and I cherish it and I miss it when I am away from it took long! 
I LOVE cleaning! 
It brings clarity and peace!

With the breathes that I have left I will breathe into my children the LEGACY that I want to leave behind. When I think of what I want the future of my family tree to look like I want it to be a source of strength to the next generations.  I want the LEGACY that I began with my children and is being walked out in my investment in my children to be what trickles down through the generations and feeds the souls of each seed that comes from me, from the seed that I came from which is the seed of Abraham not the seed of a family of shame, condemnation and judgement.  I want my children and their children and their children's children for generations to know that they are worth so much more than the world will ever tell them they are worth!

I would not trade the rewards that I am reaping and the rewards that are generations and decades away from this time, from the time in which I worked so hard to change my families LEGACY.  


There has been and will be years and years of tears, toil, heartache, exhaustion, weariness, and fear in between the LEGACY I see today and the LEGACY of tomorrow.....


However...........

With my VILLAGE and my FAITH I will continue to invest in their character, in their heart, in my character and in my heart, my families character with every breathe i breathe.....

IN THE HEART IS WHERE IT ALL BEGINS as we weave together the tapestry of LIFE!