What is HE up to now????

As I find myself on the cusp of my 20 year class reunion I begin to reminisce and ponder.

 It was but a week ago that I was informed I had been added to the Facebook Group titled ....

Riverton High School Wolverines Class of 1991

Closed GroupMembers are public, content is private.

I was unsure how I felt about this as high school was not a great experience for me. 

I continued to reflect and determine whether I should exit the group or stay.  I am currently searching my heart and determining my motives as to leaving or staying as a part of this group. 

You see this group scratches deep hurts and betrayals.  Yes some say "That was 20 years ago....let it go."  This is part of the battle.  I am not sure just because 20 years has passed that the hurts have been healed or gone away.

I also wrestle with the idea of purposeful relationships.  For those of you who follow my blog and walk daily with me through life you will know I highly value relationships but I do not take them lightly.  From this group of classmates there is only one person whom I occasionally meet with when I return home.  I return home maybe once a year or once every two years.

Funny thing is my dad has never left that place and is easy to find (he is an icon, a hero..he is famous).  I suppose I could be easy to find if someone wanted to find me. 

One could argue the other way...why don't I look up people...well....I don't really see value in pursuing those relationships.  I tried to pursue a few after high school.  Life changes.  People marry, have children, divorce, change jobs, move, acquire new friends.  It is very difficult to cultivate relationships unless you are intentional.  With out intention from BOTH parties the relationship dies.  AND unfortunately some never really move beyond what was in high school, clinging on to the people we were and not seeing who we have become.

When this group notice came to me via Facebook I had a great time remembering.....

I remember Charlie. He was always so encouraging to me.  The day I wore make up for the first time (in grade 10) he gently told me it looked horrible and I should remove it.  He always seemed to be real and raw with me in those moments of silence and solitude. 

I remember Heather P.  She had a true genuine concern for my well being.  Thanks to Heather for trying to save me from myself.  It wasn't as successful at that time as you had hoped but I will forever be thankful to your family for their unconditional love at that time in my life.

I remember Connie (she was a mom).  She was always watching my back and doing it in good humor.  I will remember her all of my days because she passed on the day my first child was born.  I know the gift I was given that day was in return for the memory of  the gift she gave me.

I remember Mr. LeMasters and Mr. Befus and Mrs. Watne...they believed in me.  They gave me a chance. 

I remember Jerome.  He was my high school love.  Ah the things we do for high school love.

I remember Stacie and Nelson and my church friends.  I loved those Friday nights playing tetras or singing at the church.  I still love to sing (even though those around me cringe when I do)!

I remember leaving my grade 11 year and moving 2 hrs. away only to come back my grade 12 year.

I remember the mean girls.  YEP!  They were not nice.....

I remember being called names by the upper classmen volleyball players at volleyball practice each day.  They did not like me.

I remember Vanessa....We had so much fun walking before school, algebra class, and sleepovers.

I remember being ran over in the high school parking lot.

AHHH! The memories.....there are sooooo many good and bad....joy and angst.....

As I was meeting with my Maker this past week I was reminded of His providence.  I was reminded that my past does not define me.  I was reminded of Galatians 5:1  It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

 I was reminded that those people and all whom I walk through life with are the cast in my story.  Each one of them play a role.  Some played the lead role in My story.....the story that brings me to this beautiful place.  A place where His providence is evident.  Where I can see how His hand was on my life from the day in grade two when I gave it to HIM.  A place where I cry out to HIM and ask "Who am I Lord that you would bring me this far.....Who am I?"

And so as I continue to search deep in my heart regarding my true motives for staying a part of this group I will continue to remember.... He is the author of my life.  He is the Lover of my soul.  He delights in me.

I wonder what script He is writing now through this part of my journey?  I wonder what He is up to and how He will use this event to show me more of His providence.  I wonder how He will use this event to chasten me and make me whole.  I wonder how He will show me forgiveness and love through this!

I can't wait to see what HE is up to!!!