FREEDOM.....

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1



Monday, July 9, 2012

A LoNgInG of the HEART and the InNoCeNcE of Children


The journey began as a longing in our hearts.
A longing to be with the friends we loved deep in our hearts.
the friends who nourished our souls.

When our longing turned into a calling we booked our flights and began counting down the days until our longings would become real and our souls would be fed.

There would be many friends to connect with and not all would get the attention they so deserved but we would allow Providence to guide us as we spent our 10 days in a place that we would soon learn was a comfortable warm place, a place we could feel was home.

When we touched down we were in eager anticipation of seeing our very dear friends the Baxter's.  The children did not know that we were coming.  It was a surprise……a very loose surprise as it was so hard for momma Baxter to keep it to herself. 

We were delayed one hour.  There was a lightening storm and the tarmac was closed to any activity for safety.  Us in the customs baggage claim…..the Baxter's on the other side of the wall waiting ever so patiently for who they thought would be Nanna!  

When the time finally arrived we busted through those sliding doors……





It was a surprise to the 3rd borns' "bestie"!  He had no idea and it was so unreal to his sweet big brown eyes.  He took a double take at us standing before him and turned to momma Baxter and said "You tricked, me you tricked me"  with glee and disbelief in his voice.

The air was light and crisp as I breathed it in.  It was fresh when I stepped outside.

WE WERE HOME!



Providence didn't wait to reveal intentions.  We spent the first evening with friends who "stopped" by and friends who we invited.  Friends that had not been together in almost a year.  Friends that were brought back together and friends that had never lost touch but tightened the bond.

Each day was full of Intention.  Not one event, not one conversation, not one meeting was by chance.  It was beautiful to see how it was orchestrated and played out.  Interactions that could not have happened no matter how much planning went into making it happen.  

But what was the most beautiful was the children……

3 boys and a precious girl!
Childlike faith.
Relationships that don't waiver over time and miles.
Connections that don't need words.
Hearts that melt in the presence of each other.




Every night my third born and his best buddy looked forward to their 10 minutes of whispering.  My third born thirsted for it more than he thirsted for his momma's lap and the book we were enjoying together.

The night his best buddy had to sleep upstairs because there was an early baseball game there were long faces and nagging hearts.  There seemed to be so much they needed to say to each other even though they had yet left each others sides.

The goodnight was sad and empty.  Then all of the sudden as if they had just won the lottery (which in the hearts of 9 year olds they did) Big Baxter told them they could go down stairs and have 10 minutes of whispering.  Faces lit up smiles erupted and the race was on to see who could make it to the bed faster.  They lay there together rubbing each others backs talking (whispering) about things that lay deep in their hearts, things that are important to 9 year old boys who live miles apart and still love each other deeply.

And the girl…..

The precious sweet 8 year old girl.

She colored with the boys, she talked with the boys, she jumped on the trampoline with the boys and she made cotton candy with my second born. 




As Providence unfolded these babes built friendships.  A reciprocal, voluntary affair that no external force or  fixed circumstance decreed that these children should enjoy and long for the company of each other.  It was of relatively equal power and a power higher than them that they bask in the goodness of what authentic, real, rich friendships look like.



It was about engagement, being present and loving well.

A new commandment I give to you, that you Love one another; as I have loved you that you also love one another.  John 13:34


Saturday, June 9, 2012

A little Family Time with A Lot of IMPACT!

When I have sat down and really thought deep about who I am and what defines me.....
I AM A RUNNER

is a phrase that rings beautifully in my ears and rolls nicely off of my tongue......

When my friends talk to me they usually ask "How is the running going?"  AND....
many of them believe (for some odd reason AND NOT because I have said it.....) that I RUN Marathons.

this piece of who I am is a part of me that I love.
                A part of me that I find FREEDOM in.....I wrote about Running for FREEDOM when I was training for my HALF 13.1 (not WHOLE 26.2...that sounds soooo ScArY).

PS....I run but AM NOT hard core!  I only dream of being HARD CORE!

As I have embarked on the journey of Running and it becoming a part of who I am I have always drug people along....ENCOURAGED them to become a runner.

            

To become a RUNNER because I believed they would be able to see the fruits of their labor as we together accomplished something they thought they would never accomplish or like for that matter! Of course there is also the fact that we were designed to be in relation with one another so why not run and talk!  

BUT SOMEHOW MY FAMILY WHOM I LOVE TO BE WITH...missed the 

Encouragement NOTICE:  Running is good for the soul.

My Family is made up of Testosterone and we all know that equals Competitiveness!

HMMMM.....Throw a competitive edge on this Running and I think I will have a few new running partners!!!

After our move I began training for my first HALF (NOT WHOLE) Marathon....
At this same time my Fiercely Competitive Man was trying to move toward a more active lifestyle....
and if you can believe it..... the challenge of RUNNING (with out stopping) 4 miles with me was on!  
And I  was Running with MY Man!


Soon the little boys were onto this running activity.  Child number 2 was running often at school and he was catching the running bug!  So the little boys and I began running together (or walking fast) and eventually embarked on our first race together.....
The Bunny Hop 5K 

Child number 2 found great success in this race and was ready to take on the challenge of becoming a runner.

My third born...He is willing to join in on the family events but he is not yet sold on becoming a runner and running 5k races.  So Him and I do a lot of run....walk...run....walk....walk....walk....FINISH!

My desire was to have the whole family run a race together.  My Man and the Firstborn were not so sure this was the most brilliant idea ever.

Now I can't boss my Man and my Firstborn is really an adult.....UGGHHHHH!.... so it is hard to boss him any longer....... 

But Majority ruled and I signed us up for a race......
Up at 6 am and runnin' running' at 7:30 am....

This however was no typical race....
It was a special occasion!
A race experience that would forever change us at a soul level!

This race was the Impact A Hero race!
Too many a Hero may be there dad and for lots of the younger generation they would identify their hero's as professional sports athletes or someone who is identified by power and wealth.

These Heroes on this day....
They are the Heroes that America looks up to!
These Heroes are the ones who answer the call to lay down their lives for the sake of another...
These Heroes are our Soldiers....the men and women who have lost something in return to gain what so many only hear about...

FREEDOM!


As the runners were arriving and preparing for the race....
The announcement came that the Heroes would be arriving soon!





They arrived like ROYALTY!
With police escort in big buses preceded by a long 
long, long and loud line of motorcycles!


The crowd eagerly anticipated their arrival and cheered loudly
when they were getting off of the bus!
They and their families lined up at the START line to run the race.

Photo and Artwork by Jodi Shaw
www.jodeneshaw.blogspot.com
It was the most amazing race experience I have ever had!
AND
I was BLESSED to have my Testosterone with me to competitively
Compare times at the end of the race....
 all the while making excuses as to why their times weren't better 
and whose fault it was and what the time should have 
really been if........



Although I am not sure how WE impacted a Hero but I am positive
WE were impacted by a Hero on this day!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Legacy.....


leg·a·cy

  [leg-uh-see]  Show IPA noun, pluralleg·a·cies.
1.
Law a gift of property, especially personal property, asmoney, by willa bequest.
2.
anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestoror predecessor: the legacy of ancient Rome.
3.
an applicant to or student at a school that was attended byhis or her parent.
4.
Obsolete the office, function, or commission of a legate.

Taken from   http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/legacy?s=t

As this Mothers Day approached I began to feel something different in my heart than I ever had before....

I did not know exactly what it was.  Something more gentle something more tender.....

I was not a day free from "yuck" but in the mess of me and being a mom I felt FREE.  I felt covered in Grace.  Forgiven.  Redeemed.

Being a mom for me has been such a joy.  I always wanted six children and loved loving my dolls and practicing for REAL babies.  I however was blessed with 3 children.  Three very different yet oddly similar, wonderful children who daily teach me how to become the best version of myself.

I have always wondered with great awe why I, why my friends, chose to have children and how we decided how many to have.  My dear friend Jocelyn heard AND answered these questions several times.  Always with her sparkling eyes and her energizing smile....
"I want to leave a LEGACY!"

A LEGACY....

What does that mean!  

I was not sure what Legacy meant to me.  For my family.  For my children.  For future generations from the tree of my life.

To me the Legacy I was given was a Legacy of shame, condemnation and judgement.  I never quite made the mark in the EYES of those who were supposed to love me unconditionally and help me become the best version of myself.  In those EYES I was NOT who they demanded me to be therefore I was of no worth.  

NOT ONLY DID I RECIEVE 
SHAME CONDEMNATION JUDGEMENT 
from my family......

In this world where there is comparison and right ways to parent and if you spend to much time away from your child your a bad mom, and if your child has a melt down in the store your a bad mom, and if your child does not go to university your a bad mom and heaven forbid your child drink, smoke, have sex out of wedlock, steal, lie......YOU ARE A BAD MOM!

If you feel angry at your child and can't keep yourself together, or if you don't have the greatest and latest, and if YOU AND YOUR child doesn't wear name brand clothes....

Society casts down

          ABSOLUTE SHAME  CONDEMNATION and JUDGEMENT!  
                                                          on you.... on children!

NOT a Legacy that I wanted to root my children in!  


I began to unlock what the LEGACY I WOULD LEAVE LOOKED LIKE TO ME, TO MY CHILDREN TO MY FAMILY AND TO THE CHILDREN WHO WOULD COME FROM MY SEED!



Because SHAME  CONDEMNATION and JUDGEMENT  was my "normal" it trickled down into the life of my first born and oh the work, the absolute change work we have done to end the LEGACY of shame and condemnation and leave a new LEGACY.

AND....some days my heart hurts because I feel like my choices are destroying my children.

AND.... somedays I feel angry at the people who shamed and condemned me!  


AND....somedays I feel like I am crazy AND a mess!

And everyday I know that it is OK.  It is OK to be imperfect.  I make mistakes and my mistakes are forgiven!  I am FREE....FREE to be who I was created to be...MESSY MESSY ME...

AND.....I am grateful that I am covered by GRACE and the LEGACY that I AM leaving is a LEGACY of WORTHINESS, of PURPOSE, of FAITH  all in the mess of life.

A life that is authored and planned and protected from the arrows that are thrown at us by the enemy.  The arrows that keep us captive to shame and condemnation!  A LEGACY of FREEDOM....DEEP down SOUL FREEDOM that comes from something far beyond what I alone could ever give my children!

FREE from SHAME CONDEMNATION JUDGEMENT

AND my reassurance of the LEGACY.....

Child Number Two did an unbelievable job at writing about ME.  I am known by my child.  My values are known by my child....This tells the real story.  The story of my life being walked out daily for all to know and see....I tell a TRUE story! HE TELLS THE STORY IN HIS WRITING....


May 12, 2012 from Child Number Two

My firstborn's evidence that not only today but many years ago when I was in the trenches in bondage I was still teaching and living the LEGACY that I wanted to leave for my children for me, for my family....

May 11, 2001 from my First Born
AND today what LEGACY and MOM mean to my First Born...

"My moms attempt to instill values that she holds dear in her heart that will be passed on to the family for years to come.  She does it well even if at times it is frustrating for me  because she does do it so well and it is constant!"

"I would describe my mom as stubborn, educated, outspoken, well thought, well read, driven motivated, an educator educating others and herself and a caretaker!"

"The evidence of her living out and walking her TRUTH in my life is what I take and walk with every day and that is her desire for me and educating me to have the utmost respect for women, truth telling,  and JESUS!"  

AND my precious Third Child...

Wanted me to know that I am so LOVED and am the best mom ever and the precious child wanted me to have a new vacuum cleaner!

~Possibly this Face Book "What's on your mind?"...gives insight as to why the thought of a vacuum cleaner would come to mind!  It is known what I get from a clean house....A clear head!!!  They all love when MommaMac has a clear head (and so do I:)

            do any of you know how much I LOVE to clean. 
It has been a while as my house has been full of wonderfulness and adventure. 
The silence is awakening as I dance with my dance partners. 
The best Momma Mac musings come to me while I am dancing. 
The deepest stirrings move me as I rhythmically converse the poetic stanza's of my journey. I stand on the battlefield I fight for everyday every minute as I dance in silence....
and I love it and I cherish it and I miss it when I am away from it took long! 
I LOVE cleaning! 
It brings clarity and peace!


With the breathes that I have left I will breathe into my children the LEGACY that I want to leave behind. When I think of what I want the future of my family tree to look like I want it to be a source of strength to the next generations.  I want the LEGACY that I began with my children and is being walked out in my investment in my children to be what trickles down through the generations and feeds the souls of each seed that comes from me, from the seed that I came from which is the seed of Abraham not the seed of a family of shame, condemnation and judgement.  I want my children and their children and their children's children for generations to know that they are worth so much more than the world will ever tell them they are worth!

I would not trade the rewards that I am reaping and the rewards that are generations and decades away from this time, from the time in which I worked so hard to change my families LEGACY.  


There has been and will be years and years of tears, toil, heartache, exhaustion, weariness, and fear in between the LEGACY I see today and the LEGACY of tomorrow.....


However...........

With my VILLAGE and my FAITH I will continue to invest in their character, in their heart, in my character and in my heart, my families character with every breathe i breathe.....

IN THE HEART IS WHERE IT ALL BEGINS as we weave together the tapestry of LIFE!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Ambition

When our ambitions trump our relationships, our stories suffer for meaning. ~Donald Miller

Next time you feel like you’ve lost your spark, just reach for that little list. Forget about goals, ambitions and all the things you think you ought to be doing. Just start with those little things that bring you joy.  ~Andrea Sher  her blog...Superhero Journal....


I think my word of the day to consider and ponder is AMBITION!  Where it fits for me right here right now...OR does it!?  Maybe I am supposed to continue to be in the JOY that I am currently in and relish it, embrace it and stop looking for something more, stopping looking for what I think I ought to be doing...

Moments!  Moments that I miss because I am wrapped up in my ambitions, my wants, my attempt to fill me, fill those empty places in my heart!  I miss those moments that would fill me if I would slow down and embrace, cherish and celebrate those little right here right now moments that are right in front of me. But I miss the moment because I am to busy chasing ambition which is hours ahead of my right here right now!

While I am hours ahead of my right here right now I miss that moment to purr into my sons ear as that is what we do to tell each other that we care, I miss that ruckus outside my window that are blue jays talking to each other, that invitation of a hurting friend to come into their world and comfort them, that moment that my son is doing his homework begrudgingly while dancing to CMT (yep all at the same time).

When I get so focused on what I think I should do such as get a job, go back to school, and what ever else to fill my emptiness I miss those moments of opportunities falling in my lap to serve others.  I miss those moments to live my mantra of encouraging and edifying others so they to can experience freedom.  Not just any ol' freedom but a deep down soul freedom that only brings JOY no matter what the circumstances we are facing are.

When I lay down MY ambitions and embrace the beauty of the moment my story becomes exciting.  The excitement that my heart longs to be filled with.  I am filled with the little JOYS of a moment.  My relationships flourish.

Like the day that I was pondering how to fill my loneliness.  The day I felt like I lost my spark and was contemplating trumping relationships with my family and the few connections I have made here with ambition, selfish ambition.  I went to the mail box and there in the box was the most amazing piece of mail.  A beautiful card from a friend.  A very unexpected piece of mail.  A BEAUTIFUL hand made...yes hand made card especially for me.  Tears poured down my face.  She chose me.  I matter to her!  All the way from Canada....I matter!  And I was awakened again to the value of relationships and that I must not trump them for my selfish ambitions.  I was filled with JOY!



And My Soul is Revved by.....
and I am filled with JOY when...
My LIST begins like this....


  • Having friends over to hang out and eat!
  • Watching my children have fun with their friends!
  • A walk in the park with the dog and family!
  • A hike in the woods!
  • Running!
  • Sitting on Point Michaud beach on the Atlantic Ocean and watching the tide and people play in the ocean!
  • Bras D'or Lakes with our family!
  • Singing loudly to music that I know the words to!
  • Dancing with my children no matter where we are!  (and I mean no matter where)!
  • Inspiring conversations that leave me being a better version of myself!
  • Going on an adventure somewhere new and not being scared to get lost!
  • Color...markers, paper, paperclips....
  • A Starbucks non fat peppermint mocha no whip no foam!
  • Authentic conversation with people who get me!
  • Listening to people share their stories of pain and triumph!
  • Laughing with my boys (all four)!
  • Traveling near and far!
  • Seeing people come alive after being given a BIG dose of YOU ARE WORTH IT!
  • Being alone, still and listening to my Maker!
  • When my still is awakened and becomes real and alive!



                                                         
 





 


I come alive!
Relationships come alive!
And my emptiness wanes! 
 My ambitions are at peace within my soul!
Moments are cherished because that is what matters!